I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
