So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
