Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
