"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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