Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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