Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
