he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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