Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
