yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
