My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
