I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
