FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
