I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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