i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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