# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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