Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
