R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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