She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
