Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Success! We fucked roommates!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
