I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My penis needs a shock collar
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
