I'm sorry my penis didn't work
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
There's even glitter on my cock...
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