dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
