Duck Duck Cougar?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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