I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
