chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
