Non-Jews are for practice
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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