My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
