dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
