why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
