she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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