i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
