lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
