I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
