Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
