She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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