I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
