I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
