If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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