Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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