girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i will never coherently bang her
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
