did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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