he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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