I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
