If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
