Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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