Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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