That's when you crack a 10am beer
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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