My first STD was from a foam party
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
