I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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