just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
