My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
