I accidentally had phone sex last night
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
